Why Waiting for Jesus is Better Than Waiting for...Anything Else

As you may know from previous posts, or just from being around me in general, I am not a very patient person. Honestly, I'm not sure I know what patience actually means. I am also not sure exactly what it looks like in my own life. So, in an attempt to not sound stupid, I will not try and explain what I think patience is, but rather what I hear I think the Bible is telling me I should be patient towards...okay I'm not sure if that's exactly what I'll be doing, but hang with me.

The point is, I am terrible at waiting for things. When I was a kid (and by that I mean this past year) I got really anxious waiting for my Christmas and birthday presents. Nowadays I find myself saying things like "I can't wait for ________ to happen" or "I can't wait for this weekend," or something else equally as insignificant in the overall scheme of life.

But still, when those things don't happen as quickly as I'd like them to,  Like I said, I'm really bad at waiting for things. The most apparent examples in my life right now are waiting for graduation, waiting for my support to come in for the internship, and waiting for marriage.

What I have also found is that it is harder to wait for things you KNOW are going to happen. For example, it's a lot harder for me to wait until dinner time to eat if I know that what I'm eating is going to be incredibly delicious. Which, by the way, it rarely is if I make it myself...

That being said, I constantly realize that I'm waiting for something that I know is going to happen. I often tell Maddie that "I cannot WAIT to be married..." As if that will ease all of our relational burdens and take away all my frustrations and make me perfectly loving and humble and servile. What's sad is that I REALLY DO feel like that will make everything right a lot of the time. I feel like all my problems will be taken away, like we won't fight at all, like we'll be happy and spiritually healthy all the time because we will be married. Obviously I know that is not the case. You can lecture me on that another time.

Now, to the point of this blog.

What I've learned over the last year is that I am actively waiting for all the wrong things.

I don't mean that I shouldn't be happy to graduate, or to start ministry with RUF, or to be married. I believe that I should rejoice in all of those things. But I should not be longing for those things more than I long for the second coming of the King.

One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 27. The first six verses of the Psalm tell me what God has promised for me; the victory that will be accomplished, and that I will dwell with God forever and see him face to face. The next six verses are pleas for God to be present, to lead me, to be faithful in His promises. Then the last two verses are statements of belief and response. It ends with this:

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

I know for a fact that if I waited for the Lord half as much as I wait for anything else, my life would look a lot different. I would be less anxious. I would get less frustrated. I would love my family, my neighbors, and my enemies a heck of a lot more than I do now.

And that's because right now, I'm impatiently waiting for things that I think will satisfy me and fill me up. In reality I am putting my hope and my security in things that will never quench the thirst I have for something that will give me life.

I am restlessly seeking out things that will never give me rest.

While it is going to be great to have a wife, a college degree, and a full-time job, that will never fill me up. That won't solve my problems, ease my pains, or make me new. The only thing that will quench this thirst and restore my soul is the redemption that will come and is coming when Jesus Christ returns to make all things new.

Tomorrow is Good Friday. If you don't know what that is, that is the day in the liturgical calendar on which we reflect on the death of the unblemished lamb on the behalf of sinners like me; the day Jesus died on the Cross. Sunday is Easter. That is the day we celebrate His resurrection. The day He conquered death and purchased my redemption.

And as far as I am concerned, I think every other day I should be focused on reflecting on, rejoicing in, and longing for the second coming of my Savior. That is what I should be talking about when I say, "I can't WAIT for this to happen." I love Maddie, but she is never going to make me a new creation. But Jesus has, and is, and will.

On a practical level, I wonder how much different my life would look if I wanted Jesus to return as badly as I wanted to be married. Or as badly as I want to be done with college. Or as badly as I want to have all my support raised for RUF. What would my conversations be about? How would I talk to people about the gospel? What would I spend my time thinking about?

Waiting eagerly for the Lord's return would make me a way better advocate of the gospel. It would put God in the forefront of my mind. It would cause me to value Him more and to cherish this world less. It would cause less pain to wait for God than it would to wait for anything on this earth, because this earth will leave me empty. And that's why I should be waiting for Jesus.

He will right the wrongs. He will undo the sadness. He will make all the bad things come un-true. Revelation 22 says:

“'Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay each one for what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end...Surely I am coming soon.' Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!"

10 Things to Learn in 100 Days

In 100 days, I'm getting married to the most beautiful, loving, supportive, gracious, caring sinner in the world. This is easily the most exciting thing since Obama used the selfie stick. But while it is exciting, it is also terrifying. It's terrifying because I will officially be responsible for another person.

You see, right now, I'm a stupid college boy. I make decisions without consulting other people. I can get up and walk out of a room without telling someone exactly where I am going and why I am walking away. I can eat what I want, study when I want, sleep when I want, shower when I want, read when I want, clean when I want...and so on a so forth.

(The fact that I feel like I can do all that is another issue in itself. That's for another post.)

But as of May 23, 2015, I will no longer just be Joel May; I will become one with my wife. What happens to me happens to her. What I do effects her. If I have a bad day, she has to bear it, and vice verse.

More than that, I will be responsible for pushing Maddie towards the Cross and away from everything else. I am called to die to myself every day so that I can put her first in all things for the purpose of her knowing God more fully. I will be responsible for providing for her- emotionally, monetarily, physically.

As I approach becoming a (failure of a) husband, I recognize that I need to change a lot of things in order to be the man I am called to be for Maddie. I could make a list of 100 things...but that'd take too long. So instead, here's a list of 10 things to learn in the next 100 days.

1) I need to learn to put Jesus first, in all things, in both of our lives, at all times. This is going to look different for literally every situation. But I know that no matter what the situation is, for the rest of my life, I need to constantly remember to put the gospel first. The only unfailing, never ending, unchanging Truth that we have in this world is the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ on behalf of sinners. So that should always be what I look to for answers and guidance first. That's really hard. And I'm not gonna be good at that. But that leads to the second point.

2) I need to learn to pray. Notice I didn't say "pray better" or "pray more" or anything. No, I'd be giving myself way too much credit if I said that. I just need to learn to go to God in prayer, period. Right now, prayer is NOT my default answer. It's not even my secondary or tertiary answer. God has been gracious enough over the past couple of weeks to show me my need for being in communion and conversation with Him. I need to learn to LIVE in prayer. This has to be my first option, every time.

3) I need to learn to trust God with our money. I'll be honest, this morning I looked at my bank account, and I had less money that I thought I did. And IMMEDIATELY, I became my own God all over again and started thinking, "How can I fix this problem on my own?" I know that God is not out to get my when it comes to money. He's not sitting there waiting to make me broke. But I do know that He is sitting there waiting for me to realize that He is in charge of every aspect of my life, money included. And the awesome thing is that He will provide. I don't often believe that.

4) I need to learn to trust God with our time. This is another big'n for me. I'm really into my time. I like to do things on my time, in my own way, when I want to. And when plans change, I get angry. I usually mope for a while. When I get angry and upset about being late, about plans changing, etc, what I am actually subtly saying is that God isn't going to make this work out. Again, God is not waiting to "get me" when it comes to my time. He is, though, waiting for me to say to Him, "My life and my time are yours; take them!"

5) I need to learn to love Maddie better. Like I said, I am a stupid, selfish college boy. It's safe to say that 99% of what I do is for myself. That means Maddie will not feel loved by me 99% of the time. I HAVE to show her I love her in ways that will register with her. And the first way to do that is by putting God first in her life.

6) I need to learn to communicate better. I pride myself on being a good talker and a good listener. However, that does NOT necessarily mean I am a good communicator. I cannot tell you how many times Maddie and I have gotten in fights because I'm too lazy and self-centered to pick up my phone and respond to her call or text. That's a silly example, but it shows bigger realities. I live inside my own head, and most of what I do doesn't warrant an auditory explanation to myself. I just DO things. But in 100 days, everything I do will mean something to her. She won't know that me getting up to go see what's in the fridge actually means "I'm hungry." Instead she might think it means "I'm tired of being near you, so I'm going to walk away for a while."

7) I need to learn to be wrong. This is not something I pride myself on. I'm not an expert at admitting I'm wrong. If you know me, you know I'm stubborn and confident. I need to admit I'm a failure, and that I'm not always right.

8) Along with that, I need to learn to confess my sins. Out loud. To my (future) wife, and to my Heavenly Father. I don't need to confess to Maddie so that she can save me from my sin. I need to confess to her so that I can be humble and admit to her that I am messed up. The more she hears me admit my imperfection, the more she will run to the Cross for her salvation.

9) I need to learn to rest in the promises of God. God promises to meet all of our needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. He also says to delight in Him, and He will give us the desires of our hearts. He promises to provide ways out of temptation, to sanctify us through the Holy Spirit, and to never leave or forsake us. Resting in God's promises for our lives will mean that we cling to and live out what we know to be true: that God has, is, and will be faithful in bringing us home to Him and redeeming all things.

With this knowledge, all other things seem not to matter as much.

10) I need to learn to constantly pursue my wife. I genuinely don't like the term "pursue." I'm not sure why. It sounds like one of those cliche Christian dating words. But seriously, I need to do it. That means that instead of sitting on the couch and watching Youtube videos for hours on end, I will come home to her and get to know her heart more and more. I need to learn to comfort her, to make her feel special, to serve her, to talk to her, to cherish her. I need to learn to never take her for granted.

I'm sitting here in the library, looking at the woman who I will be with for the rest of my life. She's being really cute and doing school work and concentrating really hard...But that's a side note.

Honestly, if you ask her, she'd probably say "he's great at all that stuff already." But she's wrong. (She's just blinded because she thinks I'm cute for some reason.) 

In reality, I need help with all of this. Actually, I need more than help. I need supernatural healing and guidance. I need the Lord to change my heart, everyday. I need to walk by faith. I need to rest in His goodness and mercy. I need to learn to love like Christ. I need to be honest about my fears and my faults.

In hindsight, this post probably wasn't significant in any way for anyone. Besides me. Sometimes it's good to remind myself of the things God is doing and will do.

If you're willing, would you pray for us? First thank the Lord for His faithfulness in our lives. Pray that Maddie and I would grow closer to Him and each other the next 100 days. Pray that we would be a light for the lost, and a picture of the gospel. Pray that I would love her and serve her. Pray that God would sanctify us through this wonderful, exciting, fun, scary, hard thing called marriage. Pray that He would remind us every day that marriage is not our hope, but that we await a more glorious day of Consummation and renewal.

Why the Gospel is better than bread, and why Jesus is better than money.

I don't get stressed often; pretty much never, in fact. I think it's a waste of time. 

"Stress! Hooh! Good-Gaw, man! What is-it-a good fo'? Absolutely NOTHIN'!" 

You get the point.

But today I did get stressed, and it was the worst. Unfortunately I have the tendency to only stress out about money. Which is funny, because I talk a big game about wanting to live a very simple lifestyle. I've trapped myself in this limbo of wanting to be a minimalist that lives in Montana, and wanting to be able to buy myself anything that I want...which, coincidentally, is a ranch in Montana.

I think this is the same limbo that a lot of Americans are caught in; the idea that money will solve all of our problems. And in a way, that might be true. It may solve all of our earthly problems. If I had a never-ending supply of money I would be able to do anything I wanted with no reservations. And when I don't have all the money that I want, I usually feel like I am suffering. In small group last night, the first verse of the passage we were going over was this:

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. - Romans 8:18

Cool, Paul. Got me again...especially seeing as he had a lot bigger problems than money.

Today I was just worried. I'm not sure why. I get mad at other people for worrying. So today I got mad at myself. And as I tried to process what I was mad about, I realized that money is a big security blanket for me. It is for most of the world, too. And when that blanket is a tiny bit thinner than I am used to, I can feel the harsh wind of reality. (That sounds like some super forced line of a crappy wanna-be southern author.) Today I felt the "harsh reality" that money isn't the answer. And it was harsh, briefly, then it was sweet.

So money isn't the answer. Neither is health. Or relationships, or anything else we so often try to solve our problems with. We tend to put eternal value on temporary things. That's our problem. We try to make all our personal goals our ultimate truths. Isn't that kind of what New Years Resolutions are all about anyways? "All I want to do this year is get in really good shape...all I want is to budget my money better so I can afford trips with my family...all I want is to read a book every month." I mean, yes, be healthier and spend your money and time more efficiently...but then what?

As I was preparing to go on a missions trip this past summer I thought to myself "We could bring them millions of dollars, a 5 star restaurant, build them houses with a pool, flat screen TV, and a king-sized bed, but in the end they will still lose it all." That is why the Gospel is so important. That is why all these secular service projects are awesome, but they are not the answer. Service with no eternal truth is in essence done just to make ourselves or the other person feel better. And that is temporary. It will go away.

I think that in a way, American culture has perverted missions. We have tried to make missions about what we are tangibly bringing other people rather than bringing them the only thing that can save them; the message of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Because of the oh-so-easy trap to fall into of "money will fix this" we go into new places and bring money and food even though:

“Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”- Matt 4:4

Even if I have food now, I will still die later. No matter how healthy I am, I will still die. If I have money, the perfect job, the perfect family, I will still die. 'Water is life' but not the water we get from a well. In one of his sermons John Piper says:

"At the end of every road is God. You will meet him as light and life or as fire and torment. To the thirsty he will give water without price from the fountain of the water of life.

'So the Spirit says, "Come!" Let him who hears say, "Come!" And let him who is thirsty come, let him who desires take the water of life without price!'"(Revelation 22:17).

I lost sight of all this the past couple of weeks. Money and control over my life became my idol, like it does all the time. I think I can do everything on my own. I think I can save myself. I think I can save others. I need grace to realize that I can't. I need grace to show me that Jesus did.

I got stressed today because things weren't working out exactly as I had hoped. I got stressed because I needed help. But now that stress is a relief. Now what I thought was the problem is the solution. Now that reality is a comfort. Money is not the answer. Jesus is. Bread is not the answer, God's Word is. That is the truth I have to remind myself of every day.

Hope Beyond the Hedges and Why Aaron Murray Isn't as Good as Jesus

So. Auburn. Drink it in, it will never go down smooth. It's like that shot of Tequilla that no one actually enjoys, but still they just grimace and take it like a man. I'm convinced that's what it will be like to talk about that game. Forever. It had shadows of the SEC Championship last year cast all over it too, didn't it? Too soon? Maybe. But after all it is a game; even when it doesn't feel like it, and no matter how heartbreaking it may be, it's just a game.
But we still remember the feeling we had as the clock struck 00:00.00 in the Georgia Dome. Some fans were shocked, literally to the point of silence for an extended period of time. Some cried. Some wept. Some were too confused to do either. Some sat unmoving for a while trying to process what just happened, and how we didn't deserve that game to end the way that it did. Some still held their heads high and cheered on the team as they walked back to the locker room. But this time it was Auburn that did it, not Alabama. The state of Alabama is not sweet. That Lynyrd Skynyrd is full of it.
But in my mind, Saturday was a victory even though it doesn't say so on our record. And most recognizably, Aaron Murray was the hero that we have all known him to be for the last four seasons. He has proven to us that he is a man indeed. In this game alone he led 3 inspiring scoring drives in the last 10 minutes of play to lead us to what we were all sure would be another sweet, sweet victory over our troubled friends from Auburn. Murray did "put da team on his back doe." He did everything he possibly could have and still somehow Georgia ended up on the losing side. And Georgia wept.
Now here's my question:...(s)
When is the last time we wept over the brokenness of a sinful world and our hard hearts instead of over a broken football season? When is the last time we sat in silence for 30 minutes meditating on the reality of grace, rather than the reality of a tough loss? When is the last time we sang ourselves hoarse in church instead of yelling ourselves hoarse at a football game? When is the last time we spent an hour after church evaluating the worship service "play-by-play" with our friends and talked about how incredible "that one moment was"? When is the last time we couldn't wait to get home to read commentaries on the gospel passage that was preached on, rather than reading commentaries on a football game we just spent 6 hours out of our day to see? When is the last time we showed up early to church so we could get the best seats? When is the last time we were so excited to listen to a pastor preach that we literally sat outside of the sanctuary for 4 hours and talked about all the possible outcomes and topics of the sermon? When is the last time we cheered our hearts out, jumped up and down, hugged random strangers, gave high fives, and clapped along to a glorious fight song because a single person came to know the Lord as their Eternal Savior, rather than over a 5 yard touchdown run?

Do you get my point?

In case you guys didn't catch it, these are rhetorical questions. (Thank you public education for clever ways of making people feel guilty without actually calling them out.)
Disclaimer: I need to ask myself these questions more than anyone, I promise. My dad always used to ask my me and my siblings, "Where's the gospel in this?" and, "How is this going to effect your salvation?" Bottom line is; football will not effect your salvation. Aaron Murray's performance on the field will not earn you a spot in Heaven, no matter how "Good of a Damn Dawg" he is. He will not die for you so that you can spend eternity with him in a constant state of bliss over being National Championships. He doesn't have the authority to lose a game but then come back in three days and change Georgia's record to being undefeated and give the fans bragging rights over all other teams. Aaron Murray cannot put the hopes of all Georgia fans on his back alone and promise us everlasting joy. He cannot be our savior, so let's stop trying to make him one.

Let me hit ya with this though. Jesus has all authority in Heaven and on earth. Wham, blindsided, right? No. You knew it was coming because we all know in our heart of hearts that Jesus is King. He is the One who has the say on who "wins" or "loses" forever. His gospel shows us that at the end of our lives we will not look back and wish that we had been to more Georgia games, or that we had won more National Championships...or at least one... When we are on our deathbed I guarantee we will be thinking about what is coming next. And I assure you, it's not another Georgia game. John Piper says, "At the end of every road is God. You will meet him as light and life or as fire and torment." And when we meet God, He will not ask us about how many times you "dapped up" Todd Gurley. He will not ask us about where we were the night of November 16, 2013. He will either welcome us in as good and faithful servants, or He will say "I never knew you."

So yes...Georgia losing is sad. There is heartbreak, and there may even be cause for tears. But if we cry over anything this week, let's cry over the people who have no hope beyond the hedges. Let's attend football games and cheer loud and freak out when Georgia makes a great play. But let's do so in a manner that glorifies God. And the way to glorify God in the midst of a football game is by cheering in such a way that proclaims that you have a joy that is not dependent on football; cheering in a manner that shows others that there is something greater awaiting us that deserves louder cheer. Because even the deafening roar of the stadium is just a miniscule portion of the roar of the redeemed in Heaven praising God for His being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth.

So I repent for idolizing football, and I encourage you to as well. What is awesome is that we will be forgiven for putting football before God; for making Saturdays more important than Sundays; for making Aaron Murray greater than Jesus.

Go Jesus. Sic'em.

Honesty is Weird Sometimes

So recently I have come across a lot of those "confession" posts. Some of them are from years ago, some of them were posted this past week. I'm not talking about those little confessions that middle school girls do where they say "I think you're cute", or an "LMS for TBH" (which, if you don't know what that is, you need to catch up on your current abbrevs...Srsly.)
Anyways, I've never done one of these being honest things, mainly because I don't really think of myself as that interesting, and I'm an insecure sinner.
And I guess that is my first one. So, here we go.

1) I haven't done this before because deep down I'm afraid of what people will think of me. I'm pretty insecure, which ultimately is rooted in my pride. I desperately need Jesus everyday and the hope that the gospel brings that tells me I will be made new.
 2) I really wish I was awesome at extreme sports, and I'm super jealous of people who make time for those sorts of things. Unfortunately I'm too afraid of getting out of shape to do anything besides work out for physical activity.
3) I want to run a marathon...but first I should probably run a half marathon...and before that, I should probably at least run an official 5K. I mean, I "run", but I don't RUN. Ya know?
4) I don't do homework. I'm not sure why. I never have. I think I used to do a little bit when I was in elementary school, but that's mainly because your parents make you do it as soon as you get home from school before you go in the yard and pretend to be a soldier blowing up the enemy's base camp...right? Does that still happen, B-T-Dubs?
5) I want a huge family. Maybe that's because I'm an extrovert. Or maybe it's because I just want to prove to people that I can have a big family and be a good father. Not sure. I need to pray that I'll want a big family so that I can humble myself to serve them everyday. Because I'm actually going to be a terrible father who fails every day.

6) I need to pray more. A lot more. I always think that as long as I'm like every other Christian who is "trying, but feels awkward sitting down and talking to someone who isn't tangibly present", then I'm doing fine. But come on. We all know I just don't love God like I should.
7) I love cold weather. I don't know why, but I do. Maybe it's because cold weather automatically makes me feel like I'm in the mountains. And I want to always be in the mountains because I am in awe of God's creation...Okay you caught me. I always want to be in the mountains because I want to feel like a man who is self-sustained and can survive on my own, independent and rugged, with long hair and grizzly beard...and a pet husky. If that isn't a blatant indicator of how self-idolizing I am, I'm not sure what is.
8) But legitimately, I do absolutely love nature. I think it is incredible how mountains and valleys and canyons and caves and rivers and lakes and waterfalls and oceans and stars and clouds are so huge and can make me feel so small and insignificant. The positive side of nature is that it puts me in my place and helps me realize that I am tiny, and the world isn't about me.
9) I'm a grammar Nazi. I get it from my wonderful mother, who used to ALWAYS correct us every time we would use improper grammar, or the like...so typing that second sentence in number 8 actually kind of bothered me. I'll get over it.
10) I have seen the Appalachians, the Andes, the Himalayas, the Nile River, the Alps (technically), but I have never seen the Rocky Mountains or the Grand Canyon...something is wrong there. I mean, incredibly right...but wrong.

11) I want to hike the entire Appalachian Trail and the Great Wall of China. The sooner I get it through my head that I'm never going to have the time or opportunity to do either of those things, the sooner I can start being thankful for all the blessings God has given me right right here, right now.
12) I spend a majority of my free time eating, and looking up places that I wish I could go. I really need to rejoice in my glorious future instead of long for a place that I think will satisfy me; because as beautiful as this world is, it's all a dim picture of the glory that is awaiting me.
13) In case you haven't noticed, I love commas and "dot dot dots". I don't really know when that started, but I know that it will probably never stop. I am also a frequent user of the "dot dot" in texting. I feel like it conveys frustration. So watch out, all you people I text!
14) I secretly hate texting. It's not much of a secret anymore. I just get really annoyed with my phone, because it is the worst. It likes to delete numbers randomly, and to shut off right when I am about to make an important text or phone call.
15) I also hate iphones. Every time I get on a bus at UGA I see about 25 people engrossed in their phones, not making any sort of connection with anyone. I do it too, except usually I just tap on my phone and re-check my schedule for the eighth time that day... I still have no appointments? Man I'm lame.

16) I am sitting outside of the philosophy building right now in shorts and chacos. Are my toes cold? Maybe. But will I tell you they are cold? Not a chance. I'm a man. Duh.
17) A second ago, a guy came walking up in a black trench coat, a fedora, and he was juggling 3 hacky-sacks. As he attempted to walk up the three steps, he dropped one of the hacky-sacks right in front of me. At the same time that I laughed a tiny bit, I also feel so incredibly bad for him because I am sure that his attempt at being cool by juggling and walking up steps has backfired, and now I bet he feels insecure. I wonder if he knows Jesus. Maybe I am reading into stuff too much? I tend to do that.
18) I need to pray more. Did I already say that? Yeah, I did. And I'm saying it again, because that is how little I often make of prayer. I do a lot of talking with other believers about reaching out to unbelievers. I do a whole lot of little when it comes to praying for them and going to talk to them myself.
19) I don't think I'd be very good at street evangelism. I prefer reaching people through establishing some sort of a personal relationship with them. I just don't think that's for me.
20) If I make a mistake while typing, I will backspace all the way back to the mistake instead of use the scroller or the mouse to pinpoint the mistake. I just wipe out the whole sentence, fix it, then type it all over again. Is that an analogy for my life? IDKUTM.

21) For a person who has a fairly decent amount of outstanding books on my shelf in my apartment, I sure don't read as much as I could, or should, or want to.
22) I'm not a particularly great musician in any one area. I can hold my own in a couple instruments, but I am very sub-par compared to most musicians out there. For example, most musicians I ever play with are at least twice as good as me. That's always fun...
23) Going along with the whole not reading thing, I haven't read as many theological writings as I wish I would. Or church history. Or anything along those lines. For a guy who feels called to the ministry I sure don't do a good job at preparing myself for it. Uh oh.
24) I also don't know any philosophy. I can't tell you a thing about Plato, Socrates, or Aristotle's thoughts.
25) I'm super proud of the family I come from. I love boasting on my parents, siblings, in-laws, nephews, nieces...and I hold fast to the belief that my nieces and nephews are the cutest babies that have ever existed. I'm not biased though. I swear.

26) I don't often get in moods where I want to write, but when I do, it's a doozy. I have sat before and written for hours. That is not an exaggeration. It is literal. But of course, I don't ever let people read what I write. I'm way too insecure to let people do that. I feel like I express myself a lot in what I write, so to let people see that means I am vulnerable. And I already told you, I'm a man. So yeah.
27) I love tart flavored frozen yogurt, and beefy 5 layer burritos. I also love cold pizza. I may like it more than hot pizza sometimes. That could be a stretch though.
28) I have only been to the library to study once in college, and that was only because 3 of my roommates last year were going and I was afraid that something funny would happen and I would miss out on it.
29) The only bone I have ever broken is my nose. Caffeine doesn't effect me unless I haven't eaten all day. I also don't know the difference in Effect and Affect. I don't like sodas (usually). I am not a huge fan of sweets. But if you put any sort of entree in front of me, or any salty side item, I will eat it. I am a garbage disposal. I also tried like 6 different titles for this post. I am not quite content with what I finally landed on. Oh well. God is still good, all the time.
30) This post has gone on far too long. And I am super weird. And I haven't even scratched the surface of how quirky, prideful, and sinful I am. Hopefully you get the idea.

Here's to hoping that I'm going to update my blog more regularly!

Uganda

 This picture happened when two of the oldest ladies in the village came to thank us for being there. Virtually all they knew to say to us was, "Thank you so much. Praise the Lord. Amen."

Baby goats...enough said.






This was the team in ATL before taking off!

Robert was legitimately a rockstar to all of these children. He had a herd follow him up and down the mountain, mimicking his every move and repeating what he was chanting.

 This group is from the last village we went to. They were such beautiful people, with beautiful homes.

 These were some of the younger boys in the first village. They were super sweet and very animated.

Learning to be Healed

     I went to Uganda this summer. I also worked as an intern for the greatest youth summer conference ever, Reformed Youth Ministries. Then to top it all off, I went to Mexico for a week. So, needless to say I was feeling pretty good about myself when I got back to Athens about 3 weeks ago; I was just about as holy as any college person could get. I mean come on, I spent my entire summer "in service to others." I gave up a lot of things that I had no intention of giving up! And I submitted to authority on so many levels! I grew and I learned and I gained experience, and I knew it. I felt like a servant, finally, and I'm sure other people saw me that way as well.

      But the truth is, I'm probably the only one thinking that about myself right now. I don't know if my family could realistically say, "Joel served us this summer more than he served himself. The times he was here were spent putting us first and counting us more significant than himself." I know for a fact my friends wouldn't say that! I don't think that the Ugandans that I encountered are over there right now thinking, "We could not have gotten through this summer without the service that Joel performed for us."  I know for sure that any other 20 year old guy who enjoys dancing and pumping up high schoolers could have been just as effective as I was at RYM. And any hard worker could've -and did- bust up just as much concrete as me in Mexico.

      So I guess what I'm saying is, I'm not irreplaceable. I'm not special. I'm not superior to anyone, more influential than every other believer, wiser than every other college student, or more experienced than every other short-term missionary.  And I don't know if I realized that until the end of this summer when a brick wall of humility collapsed on top of me. Let me tell you a portion of what, and how, I learned this summer.

God meets us where we are.

    

First of all let me tell you details about what I actually DID this summer. I kicked it off with Uganda. I'll say here what I've told everyone: 

"Overall it was an incredible trip. There were definitely challenging moments, and the culture was a lot different, but it gave me a lot of hope for what has been done there and what can be done there in the future. It was great to experience that third-world aspect and be a part of something bigger for even such a short amount of time as 3 weeks."

      Now this is all true. But keeping in step with the idea of meeting people where they were, let me tell you how these things apply. In order to minister to these villagers in Uganda I had to actually go there and do it. I could not wait for them to meet me at the airport or meet me halfway in Amsterdam. I had to fly to Entebbe, Uganda and ride 7 hours north until we eventually hit a bumpy dirt road and couldn't see power lines anymore. We set up big tents with cots and ate mangos, rice, beans, and cabbage for 3 weeks in the middle of this village. In order to encounter the people we encountered, we had to go to them. We couldn't wait for them to come to us, because they never would have been able to!

      Then I came back from Uganda and 3 days later I drove 6 hours down to Panama City Beach. With every youth group that came to this conference I asked their leaders and students, "Where are you from, have you been here before, what church are you with, how many students did you bring, are you doing MegaRec and sports, how was the drive down here?" Obviously this is a completely different set of issues. New small-talk. New atmosphere. New understanding of how relationships worked compared to things in Uganda. And I thought I was doing a pretty good job at relating to these leaders and students. I thought I did a pretty good job at meeting people and asking what was going on with them and how I could serve them. I met people where they were!

      Then 4 days after RYM I headed down to Mexico. That was another way that I literally met people where they were...which was in a children's home. Now that fact in itself already had me feeling pretty good about myself. Then when we got there I just got even more self righteous. I hung out with those kids. I let them play with my hair. I threw them up in the air and tried to speak Spanish to them. When we went to the beach I let five kids at once hang on my neck, shoulders, and arms in the salty, raging ocean. In the mornings I did some serious demolition, knocking out these huge concrete slabs to level the ground where they wanted to start building a new boy's dormitory. Then every afternoon I played guitar at our very own version of VBS and sang with them...in Spanish. Once again, I was doing a great job at meeting people where they were.

      And I'll tell you what; all this meeting people where they were stuff was making me feel a lot like Jesus. Because I knew that Jesus met all helpless people where they were! So I was being the help to all the helpless now. Jesus went to the places that no one else wanted to in order to find the broken people, and I was pretty sure that's what I was doing.

If only I realized how blind I was!

      Brent Harriman, one of the RUF Area Coordinators, was the fantastic speaker at RYM Senior High Florida Week One. All of his sermons were about how Jesus met people where they were, the last one being about ourselves. Now I must have heard the first 3 where he talked about Saul soon to be Paul on the road to Damascus, the woman at the well, and the crippled man at the healing pool. However, apparently I let myself graze over the last sermon he gave. Because that wasn't the one I wanted to hear.

      And that seemed to be one of the main themes of my summer, unfortunately.

By this point I was sure I had it all figured out. I thought that I was supposed to meet people where they were, and not even consider the fact that Jesus was and is meeting me right where I am; in the middle of my extremely broken, pride-ridden, sin-consuming, self-sufficient lifestyle that I played off as a life of servitude by taking hard trips and great internships. I didn't even entertain the idea that I was the self righteous person that Christ was meeting on my own road to Damascus; or that I was repeatedly going back to this well to get water, only to need more in a couple of hours because it would never satisfy. I didn't think that I needed the kind of healing that Jesus gives. As Brent said,

"It's not that we don't want to be healed. It's that we don't want God to heal us."

      Because many times, ironically enough, being healed hurts. Maybe not physically. But emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Being healed by Christ is a direct attack of our pride because what Christ does is make a declaration without giving us any say in the matter. He makes an indicative, then an imperative.

"You are well. Now sin no more!"

And that just doesn't sound like the kind of control that I always want to have.

     

     Tullian Tchividjian, in his book Jesus + Nothing = Everything is so adamant about reminding us that our salvation does not come from anything that we do, but in what Christ has already done on our behalf. He pounds this into your brain in 50 different ways, repeating all 50 statements at least 5 times each. But I am glad he does because that is exactly what I needed to realize all summer. I was so busy trying to live out a truth that I barely even understood myself. I needed to realize that ultimately nothing that I thought mattered really matters in comparison to knowing Christ. "Whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of knowing Christ." (Philippians 3:7) Jesus is worth everything, and He has done everything, so now I can give up everything, "...in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ."  (v. 8-9) Throughout this whole summer, what I needed to realize was that He was meeting me in my brokenness. And He will continue to do so. He is faithful. "I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1:6)

      Now with this new knowledge I am free to be fearless. I don't have to worry about losing certain things. I don't have to worry about the way people look at me. I don't have to worry about not having friends. I don't have to worry about not being the best musician in the world. I don't have to worry about not being the best worker. I don't have to worry about not being the smartest in my class. I don't have to worry about being perfect. Again, as Tullian explains it,

"Because Jesus was strong for me, I am free to be weak.

Because Jesus won for me, I am free to lose.

Because Jesus was someone, I am free to be no one.

Because Jesus was extraordinary, I am free to be ordinary.

Because Jesus succeeded for me, I am free to fail."

And there is no fear in that, there is freedom!

      With this new knowledge I can give up control of the aspects of my life that I was clinging to with all my might. I can trust in His sovereignty. I can be patient. I can be bold. I can be honest. I can be broken. 

So every time I inevitably try and take control of my life again, I won't be afraid to say,

“Here, God, You take it! I don't want to try and be in control of this anymore. I give up. Have it all. Bind my wounds, and pick me up from this sick-bed that I've been laying in.” And just like I've experienced this summer the Lord will continuously say to me, “Don't you see I've already done it? You just lost sight of it because you were trying to be your own god. You haven't been listening for My voice, you haven't been searching for My face, you haven't been longing for the daily renewal that comes from being washed with My blood. But the good news is, I'm always here anyways. I chose you in the beginning, I am calling you now, and I will bring you home when the time comes. And all of this is because I love you; because I love you; because I love you; because I love you.”