10 Things to Learn in 100 Days

In 100 days, I'm getting married to the most beautiful, loving, supportive, gracious, caring sinner in the world. This is easily the most exciting thing since Obama used the selfie stick. But while it is exciting, it is also terrifying. It's terrifying because I will officially be responsible for another person.

You see, right now, I'm a stupid college boy. I make decisions without consulting other people. I can get up and walk out of a room without telling someone exactly where I am going and why I am walking away. I can eat what I want, study when I want, sleep when I want, shower when I want, read when I want, clean when I want...and so on a so forth.

(The fact that I feel like I can do all that is another issue in itself. That's for another post.)

But as of May 23, 2015, I will no longer just be Joel May; I will become one with my wife. What happens to me happens to her. What I do effects her. If I have a bad day, she has to bear it, and vice verse.

More than that, I will be responsible for pushing Maddie towards the Cross and away from everything else. I am called to die to myself every day so that I can put her first in all things for the purpose of her knowing God more fully. I will be responsible for providing for her- emotionally, monetarily, physically.

As I approach becoming a (failure of a) husband, I recognize that I need to change a lot of things in order to be the man I am called to be for Maddie. I could make a list of 100 things...but that'd take too long. So instead, here's a list of 10 things to learn in the next 100 days.

1) I need to learn to put Jesus first, in all things, in both of our lives, at all times. This is going to look different for literally every situation. But I know that no matter what the situation is, for the rest of my life, I need to constantly remember to put the gospel first. The only unfailing, never ending, unchanging Truth that we have in this world is the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ on behalf of sinners. So that should always be what I look to for answers and guidance first. That's really hard. And I'm not gonna be good at that. But that leads to the second point.

2) I need to learn to pray. Notice I didn't say "pray better" or "pray more" or anything. No, I'd be giving myself way too much credit if I said that. I just need to learn to go to God in prayer, period. Right now, prayer is NOT my default answer. It's not even my secondary or tertiary answer. God has been gracious enough over the past couple of weeks to show me my need for being in communion and conversation with Him. I need to learn to LIVE in prayer. This has to be my first option, every time.

3) I need to learn to trust God with our money. I'll be honest, this morning I looked at my bank account, and I had less money that I thought I did. And IMMEDIATELY, I became my own God all over again and started thinking, "How can I fix this problem on my own?" I know that God is not out to get my when it comes to money. He's not sitting there waiting to make me broke. But I do know that He is sitting there waiting for me to realize that He is in charge of every aspect of my life, money included. And the awesome thing is that He will provide. I don't often believe that.

4) I need to learn to trust God with our time. This is another big'n for me. I'm really into my time. I like to do things on my time, in my own way, when I want to. And when plans change, I get angry. I usually mope for a while. When I get angry and upset about being late, about plans changing, etc, what I am actually subtly saying is that God isn't going to make this work out. Again, God is not waiting to "get me" when it comes to my time. He is, though, waiting for me to say to Him, "My life and my time are yours; take them!"

5) I need to learn to love Maddie better. Like I said, I am a stupid, selfish college boy. It's safe to say that 99% of what I do is for myself. That means Maddie will not feel loved by me 99% of the time. I HAVE to show her I love her in ways that will register with her. And the first way to do that is by putting God first in her life.

6) I need to learn to communicate better. I pride myself on being a good talker and a good listener. However, that does NOT necessarily mean I am a good communicator. I cannot tell you how many times Maddie and I have gotten in fights because I'm too lazy and self-centered to pick up my phone and respond to her call or text. That's a silly example, but it shows bigger realities. I live inside my own head, and most of what I do doesn't warrant an auditory explanation to myself. I just DO things. But in 100 days, everything I do will mean something to her. She won't know that me getting up to go see what's in the fridge actually means "I'm hungry." Instead she might think it means "I'm tired of being near you, so I'm going to walk away for a while."

7) I need to learn to be wrong. This is not something I pride myself on. I'm not an expert at admitting I'm wrong. If you know me, you know I'm stubborn and confident. I need to admit I'm a failure, and that I'm not always right.

8) Along with that, I need to learn to confess my sins. Out loud. To my (future) wife, and to my Heavenly Father. I don't need to confess to Maddie so that she can save me from my sin. I need to confess to her so that I can be humble and admit to her that I am messed up. The more she hears me admit my imperfection, the more she will run to the Cross for her salvation.

9) I need to learn to rest in the promises of God. God promises to meet all of our needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. He also says to delight in Him, and He will give us the desires of our hearts. He promises to provide ways out of temptation, to sanctify us through the Holy Spirit, and to never leave or forsake us. Resting in God's promises for our lives will mean that we cling to and live out what we know to be true: that God has, is, and will be faithful in bringing us home to Him and redeeming all things.

With this knowledge, all other things seem not to matter as much.

10) I need to learn to constantly pursue my wife. I genuinely don't like the term "pursue." I'm not sure why. It sounds like one of those cliche Christian dating words. But seriously, I need to do it. That means that instead of sitting on the couch and watching Youtube videos for hours on end, I will come home to her and get to know her heart more and more. I need to learn to comfort her, to make her feel special, to serve her, to talk to her, to cherish her. I need to learn to never take her for granted.

I'm sitting here in the library, looking at the woman who I will be with for the rest of my life. She's being really cute and doing school work and concentrating really hard...But that's a side note.

Honestly, if you ask her, she'd probably say "he's great at all that stuff already." But she's wrong. (She's just blinded because she thinks I'm cute for some reason.) 

In reality, I need help with all of this. Actually, I need more than help. I need supernatural healing and guidance. I need the Lord to change my heart, everyday. I need to walk by faith. I need to rest in His goodness and mercy. I need to learn to love like Christ. I need to be honest about my fears and my faults.

In hindsight, this post probably wasn't significant in any way for anyone. Besides me. Sometimes it's good to remind myself of the things God is doing and will do.

If you're willing, would you pray for us? First thank the Lord for His faithfulness in our lives. Pray that Maddie and I would grow closer to Him and each other the next 100 days. Pray that we would be a light for the lost, and a picture of the gospel. Pray that I would love her and serve her. Pray that God would sanctify us through this wonderful, exciting, fun, scary, hard thing called marriage. Pray that He would remind us every day that marriage is not our hope, but that we await a more glorious day of Consummation and renewal.